Patience and the Check-Out Line

"Patience is a minor form of despair, disguised as a virtue." --Ambrose Bierce

I have a lot to learn about patience. A whole lot. Like how to remain calm while the lady in front of me takes forever to write a check for her groceries. Who hasn't heard of a debit card these days. Banks give them to you free. They work just like a check. Oh, my mistake, you can't talk about the cashier and her latest family crisis while you run a debit card.  Only when you can slowly scribe out a check, writing one line at a time, can you make time stop. For everyone behind you in line too. Put down the pen, listen, write another line on the check, talk and listen some more. Well, you get the point. I must be invisible, standing with my cold, getting warmer 6-pack of beer and my cold, getting warmer gallon of milk. Glad was I that I didn't have a craving for ice cream. In fact, this is the truth, her daughter had taken the cart to the car and unloaded the groceries and was on her way back into the store by the time she received her receipt. I am not lying. She knew there were people in line behind her but she just didn't care.

And I smiled when she looked at me. But I was not happy inside.

Inconsiderate shopper #2. Once again, I found myself behind the customer who's clueless to the world of 2nd hand retail give-a-damn. She found a great deal on a steamer machine. $9.99. Was going home and steam her shower curtain. Who steams a shower curtain? Telling everyone around her about how she has always wanted one. I'm thinking, "Wouldn't $9.99 buy a new shower curtain?" Then the lady in front of her starts talking about her "find". Pottery Barn towels and wash cloths. 1 towel, 2 washcloths and I believe 3 hand towels. Yes, granted, not a whole set, but they are "Pottery Barn". I'm wondering to myself if the 1st lady wants to steam the Pottery Barn towels for shopper #2? All the while, heavily tattooed salesgirl, with a barbed wire and flaming skull preference in tattoos, seen by the revealing, shall I say trampish apparel that she is working in, could care less how fast this line is moving. Hourly worker or possibly community service work are her reason for getting up today.

So, my patience is being tested, I want my two $.99 cent flower pots and my baseball umpire pants that I found in this store and move to my next destination. But wait, I thought it couldn't get more bizarre, steam lady hands the cashier a gift card and explains, "Not quite sure how much is left, but I will pay the rest in change." Change?

Steamer total with tax: $10.59
Gift card: $4.65.
Change: $5.94
Counting out the change: This is where it gets good. Customer dumps pile of change on counter by register. Quarters, dimes, nickels and pennies. Huge pile of coins. Looks at cashier for what to do next. Silence and no movement by either soul. "Could you count it out for me?" Cashier begins counting.

My head didn't explode, but it wanted to. Right then I felt like Barbara Johnson when she said, "Patience is the ability to idle your motor when you feel like stripping your gears.”

My total:$6.01. I hand the cashier girl a ten. I smile and say, I don't have a penny. She hands me back four ones. "I don't want to count out $.99 to you, guess my register will be a penny off." We both smile a little at each other. She gets it and I don't.