Wednesday, July 28, 2010

Karma…or Is It?


"According to the karma of past actions, one's destiny unfolds, even though everyone wants to be so lucky.”--Sri Guru Granth Sahib

They are cute little industrious critters. Enthusiastically scrambling around the edges of the woods, up the bird feeders and diving under the deck. Excavating tunnels throughout the planters surrounding our house and devouring or disrupting the root systems of the plants my wife and I cherish in the landscaping surrounding us. Industriously destructive is their true essence.

And every spring and early summer, the population of them surges to the point of overflowing in the area surrounding our house and yard. Such is the plight of rural dwellers.

Chipmunks. Gophers. Ground squirrels. Oh my! (Sorry, I couldn’t help myself from using a cheesy rip-off from “The Wizard of Oz”)

So population control measures need to be enacted around our residence, and since the critters don’t provide much meat and I am not partial to killing without consuming, I broke out the Hav-A-Hart live trap and proceeded with control measures. Catch and release style. Now it should be noted here that my record of gopher trappings the previous year was 11 total chipmunks and a small possum that wedged its way into the trap. Don’t eat possum either. Catch and release.

This spring and summer I was well on my way of reaching that previous years mark--and possibly breaking it as well--the way they were throwing themselves at the sunflower-seed-as-bait suggested by “The Wife” when my bread crumbs were not drawing much action. However, this bait did lead to a male cardinal and a red squirrel falling victim as well.

Now my method of relocation is to hop on my bike and ride about a half mile to a stretch of road where no houses are present. I then release them to hopefully take up residence away from civilization. Then I ride my bike home triumphantly. And here is where karma comes into the story.

Number 12 was reached in early July, a milestone in chipmunk catches for the season. So with “catch” accomplished I went on to the “release” stage. After peddling down the road the required distance and releasing the quarry, I turned home with trap in right hand and left hand on handlebar. About 50 yards from the release site, a chipmunk dashed out in front of my bike and I instinctively applied the brakes with my left hand. Now if you ride a bike, with handlebar brakes, you may realize that when only the left brake is applied, only the front brake is engaged. This locks up the wheel in the front and immediately flips you over onto (in my case) the asphalt surface of the road. Then the bike continues its tumble and lands on top of you even as your fall was broken by the live trap and road surface.

I lay there and began to wonder why I felt no pain. I must have fallen just right.

But I know in the distance I heard the chattering of the chipmunks I had released, saying “gotcha!”

Now about the chipmunk: Eastern chipmunks mate twice a year, in early spring and again in early summer, producing litters of four or five young. They are prey and predator both, as they are consumed by an assortment of larger predators and when not eating nuts and seeds will eat bird eggs, nestlings and small mammals like baby mice.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

Random Bothersome Things


When people bother you in any way, it is because their souls are trying to get your divine attention and your blessing” --Catherine Ponder

Here are some random things that bother me. Perhaps I will feel better if I write them down. Therapy. Also, I will note that the gal in the picture at the top of this blog entry isn't Catherine Ponder. We'll get to the half-naked Lydia Guevara and her carrot bandoleers in a bit.

Fencerows…or the present lack of them and the removal of them
On my way home from work, I drive along a road with a fence row that borders our local airport. It was getting a bit overgrown with some autumn olive but from what I could see, posed no significant air traffic risk to the planes landing and taking off. For the last 3 years, I would see my first—and the only so far--Eastern Meadowlark working along this fence row and the field that it edged. It also was where the Redwing Blackbirds first returned in the spring to begin their territorial dances awaiting the female of the species arrival. Unfortunately, this past spring marked the demise of the overgrown fence row. Some genius must have only concluded that this was not the neat appearance needed in a rural area. So out came the chainsaws and manpower and trimmed it up like a residential lawn. So our county gained a more uncluttered, less natural view of the asphalt landing strip and lost a song of a relatively rarely seen bird in these parts.

Ernesto Che Guevara T-shirts being worn by anyone, let alone the celebrities
Why do people have to look at a mass murderer’s image on T-shirts? Think of it as a Cuban version of despots like Stalin, Hitler, or Pol Pot. Would we see actor Johnny Depp sporting that profile on his chest? Carlos Santana dedicating songs to Manuel Noriega? Even my favorite organization to hate, one that exploits anything with disgustingly nauseating ad campaign approaches, PETA (People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals), found that Che’s twenty-something granddaughter, Lydia, was a dedicated vegetarian and enlisted her to pose for ads that reminisce visually the feel of the revolutionary’s time. The tag line of the ad: “Join the Vegetarian Revolution.” How many vegetables must die to suppress us carnivores? She posed sans clothes of course. Nudity, sex appeal, and serial killer imagery. Genius. Oh, and Hitler was a vegetarian as well. Where's his PETA poster?

Turn signals
People who don’t use turn signals, “Nuff said.

People who don’t understand the U.S Constitution
We live in the greatest country in the world. Remember to love what we have and to love the rights of others to live here with what they love. Not a single thing in the United States Constitution talks about what citizens can’t do in the pursuit of happiness. It spends most of the time explaining what the elected government can’t do to its citizens. Think of it in the manner of Kings are not elected by the citizens, they seized their power by suppressing them. Remember that when your representatives seek to pass a new “law.” They were not elected to be lawmakers; they were elected by us, their constituency, to represent us in the different branches of government. I try to remember whenever one of those elected officials says they are going to give us something, it is time to start searching which of my pockets they are going to take it from.

Share your annoyances with me in the comments section, I bet we share many of them.

I am a Bear of Very Little Brain, and long words bother me.” –Winnie the Pooh

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

Gotta’ Have Heart

"Deer flies are vicious painful biters that are relentless in their pursuit of blood to the point of a meal or death". --Unknown
I’ll give it to the deer flies: they sure have heart.

This observation came to me as my wife and I ran down the trail along the river for a summer evening run. Well, actually it would be more like a creek, but they call it a river trail. Mosquitoes have been sort of bad this early summer, but we hadn’t run into the biting deer flies yet in any great number on the runs. With mosquitoes, as long as you keep moving it is generally hard for them to take up a grip on the skin and bore their vicious hole into your skin. Deer flies are a completely different matter.

This relative peace all changed as we ran through a new section of trail, just being developed, that cuts through a small section of woods. The deer fly hordes denizen was breeched by us in this route, at this time of day, and the little ba@*!#ds commenced their attack. Now I luckily had on my new breathable hat which effectively covers up the bald spot opening at the top of my head that is the preferred target of the deer fly. Warm, sweaty areas that are moving tend to draw them “like flies.” You could be running naked I swear and they only would want to lodge in and around the hair on your head. When I don’t have a hat on the deer flies bounce and bounce repeatedly on my head causing me to begin to slip into insanity. Tap. Tap. Tap. Swat-miss. Tap. You get the picture. Diving in, attaching to flesh and proceeding to use their razor edged mouth to drain your blood into their eager mouths. And bug spray, I think it is like ketchup and mustard to deer flies, just a topping to the blood they are sucking from the wounds they inflict.

Well, back to this tale. We came out of the woods and were enthusiastically joined at this point by several flying companions, whose soul purpose was to eat…US! But for some reason they were much more interested in my wife’s lovely, long brown hair so prettily flying about her as she ran. I think they may have been attracted to the bright yellow shirt she was sporting, a top that before the run I had commented on what a nice color combination it was combined with the blue shorts. Think maize and blue, University of Michigan. Go Wolverines! Little did I suspect it might be the team colors for those nasty insects.

I took off my hat and began swatting the circling demons from around my darlings head. I swear when I hit them with the crushing blows it either just made them madder or they were split in two and doubled the intensity of their attack. As I was doing this, I noticed that they had no interest in my head at all. Then I suggested maybe if she ran fast she could shake ‘em, which was a dangerous suggestion this late in a run with fatigue a factor. God knows what would have come on us if we for some reason tired and had to slow to a walk. I pictured two corpses found along the trail by strangers passing by, corpses drained of blood through hundreds of seeping wounds. But she tried the sprint move and I only think it got the flies blood competitively flowing.

So I offered my hat to the wife. After much cajoling for her to “just take it,” she did. This seemed to ease her discomfort caused by the flies and they still were ignoring me mostly. Eventually, the farther we found ourselves from their lair, the attacks subsided and we were able to peacefully finish the run, ironically among the living in a cemetery.

Here is a remedy for deer flies that just might work:
http://www.flypatch.com

Here is a great blog on the deer fly:
http://naturejournals.blogspot.com/search?q=Deer+Fly

From Wikipedia:
Deer flies (also known as yellow flies) are flies in the genus Chrysops of the family Tabanidae that can be pests to cattle, horses, and humans. A distinguishing characteristic of a deer fly is patterned gold or green eyes.
Deer flies are a genus that belongs to the family commonly called horse-flies (Tabanidae). They are smaller than wasps, and they have colored eyes and dark bands across their wings. While female deer flies feed on blood, males instead collect pollen. When feeding, females use knife-like mandibles and maxillae to make a cross-shaped incision and then lap up the blood. Their bite can be extremely painful, and allergic reaction from the saliva of the fly can result in further discomfort and health concerns. Pain and itch are the most common symptoms, but more significant allergic reactions can develop.
They are often found in damp environments, such as wetlands or forests. They lay clusters of shiny black eggs on the leaves of small plants by water. The aquatic larvae feed on small insects and pupate in the mud at the edge of the water. Adults are potential vectors of tularemia, anthrax and loa loa filariasis.

Friday, July 2, 2010

Dazzled With Jargon

Our business is infested with idiots who try to impress by using pretentious jargon. -- David Ogilvy
Here is my message to everyone or anyone who cares about others sanity.
 
Cut the crap.
 
Please, when you explain something, try to use terms "normal" people with any kind of brain can understand. Don't talk down to us to try to make yourself sound important or more educated or vastly more worldly than the rest of us. Keep what you are saying interesting and keep our attention. I don't want to wish I had had five extra cups of coffee--no, a whole pot of Java--to try to stay attentive to what you are relaying to me.
 
Entertain us with a story, don't dazzle us with all the jargon and scientific names of what you do, how you do it and what equipment you use. Make us sit in awe of your work. Show us examples with words and gestures. Trace the object you are describing with your hands in the air between us. I can picture it if you keep my interest.
 
I also don't want to just hear all your success stories. Don't just leave out the errors and mistakes. Tell them as well, the many or few wrong turns, blind alleys and the twists of fate that put you where you are. Led to how you got there. We all make mistakes and blunders, shout them out to us. It only makes you more human and lovable when we can see your warts. We truly need to know how you have learned from mistakes and made a better world for your neighbors, family and the rest of the planet.
 
This goes out to the guys that know all the specs from the manual and want to give them to you...I just want a simple understanding how it works. Instruction please, simplified.

And if you can't talk to me without making me feel like an idiot, just point to what I need in the aisle or even send me down the road where they are as dumb appearing to you as I seem. You don't probably have time to lower your brain to my level. You probably have some theorem to resolve or technical manual to dissect that would hold your interest.

I will go hang out with the ditch-diggers. We will always need ditch-diggers. We can talk about shovels.

You must learn to talk clearly. The jargon of scientific terminology which rolls off your tongues is mental garbage. -- Martin H. Fischer