Ecclesiastes or the "Gatherer"

"For in much wisdom is much grief, and those who increase knowledge increase sorrow." — Ecclesiastes, Chapter (1:18)

American novelist Thomas Wolfe wrote, "I am not given to dogmatic judgments in the matter of literary creation, but if I had to make one I could say that Ecclesiastes is the greatest single piece of writing I have ever known, and the wisdom expressed in it the most lasting and profound." I couldn't agree more. I recently explored once again this short chapter out of renewed curiosity when I read somewhere that it had been suspectedly written by the great biblical King Solomon. 

In one of my college sociology classes, I had been given a new awareness of the vast sociological differences in the way I viewed the wide range of wealth and privilege in the world. So I was recently thinking, “What better way than to look through the eyes of what was possibly one of the most wealthy and powerful rulers to ever breathe the air of the Earth.” Also, I could explore his perspective from the twilight of his lifetime.

What I found was a book filled with the despair that could only come to someone who seemingly had everything—wealth, power, privilege, love—yet realized that it was meaningless against the vastness of the outstretched eternity and the far-flung past. It was filled with words like "vain", "futile", "empty", "meaningless", "temporary", "transitory", "fleeting," or "mere breath."  For most of this book, Solomon—if indeed he wrote this—seems to be unable to comprehend and ascribe any type of eternal meaning to the wisdom of his life.

The older I get and the more I personally look for more wisdom and more meaning to my existence, yet it begins to feel that those "words" are all that apply. They overshadow all opportunities for the enjoyment of life. I find fault in the order of things, the purpose of being, the why of deeds. Where and when is the spirit to find its rest? With every rock I overturn or every bush I look behind I simply find more to trouble me. One interpretation of the word Ecclesiastes is the "Gatherer" and I have become a "Gatherer" of all sorts of confusion when I seek answers.

But perhaps that is the natural state of man—to question, seek answers, constantly probe the unknown, improve this world in any way possible through individual power, and to define the commandments of our God and ourselves in a way to live by and be proud of.

It is fitting from my viewpoint, that the book of Ecclesiastes concludes with "Fear God, and keep his commandments; for that is the whole duty of everyone" (12:13). After all, both fools and kings, become just dust in the end.

Not Such A Bad...Year In Review

"To learn who rules over you, simply find out who you are not allowed to criticize."--Voltaire

I was thinking about all those Christmas brag letters tucked inside Christmas cards that begin to flood the mailbox this festive season. I never had the desire to do one and mail out to people, but on the other hand, I never really minded reading about the happenings of those I care about. Bits and pieces of their lives that can surprise and enlighten are to be found in the words they contain. Tucked into them are messages they are trying to express: such as happiness, loss, joy, pride.

So following (if interested) is my 2013:

January 1^st, employed with 401K, health insurance and good job. January 2^nd, unemployed minus all that other stuff previously mentioned (see quote above by Voltaire). No murder committed despite this occurrence. Begin the stages of grief over this loss, also begin job hunt. Job hunt reveals experience seems to mean little compared to not finishing that Bachelors Degree in the 80’s. “Too old to Rock and roll, too young to die” to quote a Jethro Tull song from my youth. Look into degree completion opportunities at local universities. Damn…found out that college classes expire after three decades and don’t easily transfer. Still working through those stages of grief. Actually stuck on #1: anger. Sign up for group to help me deal with these issues. Especially issue #1. Start sociology class in college. Remain grateful to my friends and family who are standing by me and offer support. Seriously good medicine is true friendship. Interview for jobs…keep coming in second. Try a $10 per hour job to kill time and realize I have no tolerance for "fill in the blank here." Especially when they are your boss. Especially at $10 an hour. Didn't I learn this already? Gain new appreciation of those workers making minimum wage. Learn how underrated sleep is and how badly I want to sleep well again. Don't sleep at all some nights. Generic sleeping pills are a blessed thing. Love my college class and begin to feel hopeful. Grateful that my wife is awesome and understands. Continue to get up and get dressed every morning even when I don’t have a reason. Group therapy is going well. Learn from a psychologist about people with personality disorders. Realization: That it is what was wrong with them  and it wasn’t me after all. Wife reminds me that she has been telling me that all along. Wise wife! Must learn to stop blaming myself. Sign up for more college classes, including psychology, as I need more information. Get an opportunity to do some freelance work and I love it. Get to see western Iowa, Illinois, and eastern Pennsylvania. Meet outstanding people that I can count as friends. Learn a new computer program and keep exercising my old brain. Starting to relax about nine months into this.  Discover there is nothing affordable about the Affordable Care Act. What can you do? 10 ½ months in, I get a call for a job if I want it. Hell yes. Can still do the freelance work and still attend my college and work for people that are AWESOME and NOT CRAZY!

Madi and Me

And I didn’t forget the best news, I just saved it for last.

Madilynn Paige. Granddaughter. Born November 30^th.

What a great year of discovery it has been.