Solitude

“In solitude, where we are least alone.” -- Lord Byron

Byron gets it. The voices in our heads are the ones that come out and scream at us loudest when we are alone. I get it at night. I hear they are hard to squelch when people are trying to meditate, trying to reach enlightenment. I remember being down on my knees praying in church and they made an awful racket at times. Definitely not the voice of God or the Devil.

The voices were not people but more of a collective orchestra of passionate discord. Drums of memories and horns of worries and string sections of possibilities. I know it wasn't the choir or the organ because I would choose the music-free mass offered on Sunday morning. I really never cared that much for church music despite the fact my own mother played the organ at the church I attended. I was proud that she played so well and the congregation enjoyed her tunes but rare was the hymn that pleased my ears. "Morning Has Broken" was one I did enjoy. Cat Stevens did that old English hymn justice when he sang it on the "Buddha and the Chocolate Box" album. Probably my music likes were corrupted by all that devil rock and roll I listened to. Maybe that was where the noise in my head came from. Perhaps all that resounding guitar and drum and bass line playing. Loud too.

But the solitude that invades my head can take on my forms.

It can be intoxicating. With vigorous ideas and beliefs and dreams that it believes my body can accomplish. A drunkard it is, bragardly and boastful to my inner souls desires.

Other times, though rarely these days, it is a bitter tonic full of anger and frustration. Aimed at people, places, things, responsibilities. I assume that those type of voices mellow as you get older, as you taper down on the emotions that dominate you in your youth. The same stuff that makes you think bungee jumping off a bridge might be a good idea.

But mostly now I hear the whispers of truth that solitude allows me to see clearly. The voices work to quiet and settle my mind so that it can focus and refocus on the important task of happiness. Clarifying the perceptions of the world that I am encountering with my body.

Although my mind tends to be a very noisy place, when I look hard enough and seek out the corners of tranquility that are hidden there, it is those quiet and still places that lead me to truth.